Music is the language of memory.
That’s a quote from the book I’m reading at the moment, Jodi Picoult’s Sing You Home. Another quote, from Sarah Dessen’s Just Listen, deals with the same thing:
“Music is a total constant. That’s why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in your or the world, that one song says the same, just like that moment.”
What’s caused this sudden urge to list quotes related to music and memory? Well, I was having breakfast alone several hours ago eating breakfast and listening to my music, when a certain song came onto my shuffle.
At that precise moment, it’s amazing how many memories flooded in. While it was playing, I could vividly see when I first heard that song and when and why I listened to it on repeat. Continuing from there, it was as if my Shuffle had a mind of its own, because the next couple songs also had a place in my memory.
These songs released some memories that I haven’t reviewed in a long time, making me feel extremely nostalgic this morning.It made me pause for a long moment. My gaze was transfixed somewhere outside the window.
I hate when I get nostalgic. As soon as that happens, I start getting scared. I get scared about the future and what lies ahead. In a way, it’s exciting, going into the unknown. Most of the time, I love the idea of being independent and grown up.
Then there are times, like right now, where I can’t help but feel terrified for what lies ahead. I’m constantly worrying over the fact that I’ll make nothing out of a career – some people have told me that my journalism degree will be useless and that I’ll hardly make enough money. They tell me I should have stuck with science and medicine.
A future career isn’t the only thing that bothers me. Then there are thoughts that involve my family back home in Europe. How many more times will I be able to see them? Many people have the luxury of being relatively close to their extended family. Unfortunately, I do not.
My thoughts keep rushing at this point and now it’s about something that will involve my career and potential family. I’m (hoping) to get into a profession that will take up a large chunk of my time. I won’t have a nine-to-five schedule like most people. I’ll be all over the place. Will I ever be able to settle down with a career like that? How long will that take?
Sometimes I just want to go back when things were simple. I want the world to stop moving so fast. As much as I love university, every new day kind of scares me. I look at the pile of work I have to do, glance at my packed schedule, reread all my emails … and I think, Where is my time going? What’s happening?
My parents are always telling me that I have time and I need to slow down. I don’t know how to slow down. I’m constantly in a race against time. Whenever I look outside during a nice day, my heart breaks a little. I’m stuck in here, studying away for exams and working on assignments, while life is still happening out there.
As much as I love my program, and I hope I make the cut for second year, sometimes I wish I had taken a year off. To travel. Or to even continue my training. Or both; I could have gone back home to Serbia and just trained there for several months.
I really hope that eventually, all of this hard work will pay off and I’ll be able to see the world and not feel like it’s passing me by. If I could make a career out of traveling and writing, that’d be ideal.
To end of this post, I’ll quote Sarah Dessen in another one of her novels, Lock and Key:
“It’s funny how a beautiful song can tell such a sad story.”
